Rethinking what it means to honour our aging parents

The recent incident involving Nurjahan Begum (aged 75) whose dead body was found by the emergency team in response to a 999 call is a terrible one indeed. People expressed their anger and shock regarding this matter.

But beyond the anger, there is much more that can be said on the matter. For example, this matter is reflecting a new silent but alarming malady in our society.

In almost all societies of the past, it was considered to be an unquestionable fact that people must show respect towards their parents and elders.

For example, even in modern times, in countries like Bangladesh, this custom was practiced where children were taught to respect their parents, who grew older and increasingly dependent upon their children.

However, in the current era, things have greatly changed for many families. Adult children no longer stay with their parents.

Careers take precedence over familial relationships; therefore, the old concept of obedience sounds rather outdated.

However, this does not necessarily imply blind obedience. Rather, it implies being a good listener and involving elderly parents in family decision-making and showing them the respect and consideration they deserve.

It implies making a phone call, dropping by without hurry, and hearing them narrate the same thing ten times over.

The reciprocity is clear – our parents were those people who gave us life, time, and effort.

Repaying that debt does not necessarily mean returning everything we have been given in return; instead, giving back the same selflessness that we once received would be more than enough.

However, it should be noted that Bangladesh is not the only country facing such a problem legally.

In the US, for example, almost all the states have “filial responsibility laws,” which might force an adult child to bear the cost of their parent’s hospitalization or accommodation at a nursing home when the parents cannot do it themselves.

Laws like these were used in litigation in such states as Pennsylvania, South Dakota, and North Dakota when hospitals sued adult children for outstanding debts left by their parents.

In China, there is the Protection of the Rights and Interests of Elderly People Act, which stipulates not only providing material aid, but also visiting the elderly on a regular basis.

The parents may sue the children for failure to visit them, and there were such lawsuits. The Chinese law shows respect for the nation’s old tradition of honoring parents, which is called “filial piety.”

The Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act of India, introduced in 2007, allows elderly parents to sue their children for financial maintenance at a special tribunal.

A revision in 2019 included protection for grandparents, stepparents, and an expansion in the range of maintenance obligations.

Singapore’s Maintenance of Parents Act, established in 1995, gives parents older than 60 the right to appeal to a tribunal to receive monthly financial assistance from their children in case the parents cannot maintain themselves.

The demise of NurJahan Begum does not merely point to the failure of her family alone.

It is indicative of something much broader – a society that moves too fast for its own values, leaving behind old parents as their children rise up the ranks in life, all because there is no way in which they can be protected.
There is no system of elder care facilities in Bangladesh.

Countless numbers of old and aged people have to depend solely on whether their children are willing to appear in front of them.

It should be noted that what is required here is both individual and social. Families have to return to the simple task of visiting their parents.

They have to be more committed to appearing before their parents whenever they are not well and when they are lonely and helpless.

At the same time, the government needs to start providing the required infrastructure for helping such people who have fallen into oblivion because of their families’ negligence towards them.

(The writer is Assistant Professor of English at Ahsanullah University of Science and Technology).