Ways to deal with anger!

Life Desk :

Rage is turning out to be the next big Indian malaise. And it’s not just adults but kids as well, who are getting angrier by the day. Experts tell you how to deal with it.
Last week, a 45-year-old share-autorickshaw passenger was beaten to death near Mumbai by the rickshaw driver for not having Rs 2 in change. What’s scarier about this incident is that it is not a one-off incident. Every hour, India witnesses about 16 deaths and 58 injuries due to road related accidents, many of which are due to road rage. It’s not just adults, but kids as well, who get angrier by the day. In many households, they are allowed to do as they please -like play videogames for hours on end -to avoid terrible tantrums. Our reactions are getting increasingly and dangerously disproportionate to the situation at hand.
Riddhi Acharya is a case in point.
Although she understands that her husband is exhausted when he comes back home from office after a long day, she cannot help but get irritated when he is too tired to help with the chores.”When I retrospect,” she says, “I realise that I am projecting my own frustration because I have taken a break from my career and all I want to do is get back to the job scene. But still, when my son needs something and I have to be in charge instead of my husband, I do get quite snappy.”
Acharya is certainly not alone. Samir Kelshikar recalls the time he got into a tiff with an “uncouth driver” who refused to wait for his ailing mother to get into the vehicle and instead, honked furiously.
“My mom had undergone minor surgery and was under anaesthesia for almost two hours,”he says.”Naturally she was a bit dizzy and disoriented. As soon as my dad pulled up right outside the clinic in the narrow lane, my mom and I walked towards the gate. The whole thing took us two minutes tops, but right behind us was a driver honking away to glory and giving us the ‘look’.”
When did our anger management get so out of hand? Why don’t we stop and analyse why the other person did what he did before reacting? And more importantly, what causes this instant rage in so many people, both young and old alike?
Experts talk
Clinical psychologist Sonali Gupta says she has seen many clients over the years who approach her specifically to reduce frustration, increase tolerance and become more compassionate individuals.
“Clients come to me seeking help because they have snapped at family members or indulged in some form of road rage,” says Gupta. “In many cases, these clients were scared of the way they reacted to the situation, because they did not believe that this was their inherent personality.
Even kids are affected -one child I met had clawed his parent because the iPad was taken away from him!” Experts list out a few reasons for such behavioural issues:
Instant gratification culture:
We are getting used to getting whatever we want quickly and easily. Get your online purchases delivered the same day. Have your groceries delivered within an hour. Find a date in less than five minutes with Tinder. It’s no wonder that we are running out of patience.
Social media vanity:
We have all become mini-celebrities, thanks to social media. Post a picture and get enough likes and comments to make yourself feel like a rockstar. This breeds narcissism within people, which gradually leads to self centredness, inflated egos and, in many cases, more selfishness. Combine this with impatience and you’ve got a person who will tend to be intolerant of others’ feelings.
Excessive work:
While at work, we multitask, therefore not allowing our brains to focus on just one thing at a time. We are training ourselves to be distracted.
What’s more, we carry our work with us wherever we go, increasing the pressure on us to finish more than what we reasonably should. This pressure is what compels us to respond to an email immediately even during our personal time. And as the pressure builds even after work, so do our stress levels.
Bedtime procrastination: Are you the kind of person who goes to bed at 2 am without having done anything worthwhile at night? If you spent hours after dinner just browsing Youtube or Twitter, you are indulging in ‘bedtime procrastination’, which is responsible for many sleep disorders and results in greater irritability.
—Mumbai Mirror